Bird-Eating Spiders Reportedly on the Loose in Britain

And, therefore, England must be burned down entirely.

July 17, 2018

So, if you're looking for a phrase that will spawn some nightmares...how's this?

"There's bird-eating spiders on the loose in England."

That's not a metaphor, and it's not hyperbole.  There are tarantulas, large enough to eat birds, and no one knows where they've gotten to...but they're out there.

Apparently, someone discovered a number of flower pots at Bateman's Yard Stable in Somercotes, Derbyshire, England, by running into them with a car.  Unhumorously, there were baby Brazilian Bird-Eating Tarantulas in some of the pots, but ironically, they were discovered by someone with extreme arachnophobia, because God has a sense of humor.

The pots themselves identified the species of tarantula, and the RSPCA discovered three baby spiders, as well as tarantula eggs.

As if this story couldn't get more terrifying, the parents of these babies are assumed to be on the loose.  RSPCA Inspector Kristy Ludlam said. "It appears someone ran over two of the pots and the driver told the woman who called us he thought he saw two larger spiders. No bodies were found so it is assumed they may have escaped."

Awesome.

So, sleep well tonight, everyone in England.  We know how fond you are of feeding the birds, so you'd best get on that...if they start going missing, we obviously know what to blame.

 

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